Wednesday, January 20, 2016

I got a WHAT!!

Today I reached the lowest point in my college career....(BTW, I am a career college student thanks to my husband)....today, I got an F on a lecture quiz!! That's right, a big ole fat "F"!!! It did not stand for fabulous either!!! So, in the realization that today marked one week into this semester of advanced Anatomy & Physiology, I had to quit my part time job...the one I had at the college...because it just was not possible for me to keep up with 6 hours of classroom lecture, 24 hours of online lectures, two quizzes a week, two tests per week, and an exam at the end of each two weeks....ON TOP OF an online communications class. I am very blessed to have an amazing husband who understood and told me that I needed to lose the job since withdrawing was not on the table of options. So, for nearly 2 years now I have enjoyed my 20 hour a week job as the Bakery Specialist at The Culinary Institute of Charleston. I cried when I left school today because I got that stupid "albeit" deserved "F". I cried because i have been sleep deprived trying to keep up with class and get up to go to work those measly 4 hours....WELL, not so measly when I need those 4 hours a day to study and try to be present in my other studies as well....OH, and let's not forget that there is a household to take care of too! But mostly I cried because my dear departed mother would be frowning up it!!! I wouldn't want to disappoint her, nor myself. The icing on the proverbial cake this week is another reason to cry....I have 3 sisters. The oldest has MS (diagnosed about 3 years ago), the next oldest was just diagnosed with Small Cell Lung cancer :( for which there is no cure, only the possibility of remission....she starts chemo in 11 1/2 hours from this very moment. I am sad and terrified for her. At the moment, she seems to be realistic about the road she is facing, in a few days, after her first 3 rounds of chemo, may be a different story :( BTW, this is the same type of lung cancer that took my mother last year :( It is already in my sisters carotid artery (left side). We won't know until Thursday just how advanced it is, but she's a fighter, and has a son and granddaughter and a husband that need her....we all need her. My next oldest sister (5 years my senior) has the great probability of having low grade lymphoma....I think that's what it's called. Deemed the best kinda cancer to have if your gonna have it :/ It's small enough that they can't treat it, so they are watching it. They have ran test and biopsies, and marrow and bone tests, and they've all been negative....except for a PET scan they did showed a growth of twice the size in a "node" than the previous scan a few months ago showed, but still nothing to treat! For now, we'll take that amazing bit of news. I can not even come to terms with all the craziness that the black queen (cancer) has brought into my world in the past year. I am praying that each and every one of my sisters, friends and family members can stay healthy and heal. My heart is heavy with grief and my eyes are swollen from tears. I pray for God's healing hand and love and protection for them all, and for myself <3

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